I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
