My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Randomize
