I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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