yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
