he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
