So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
