Do you still have your period?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
