YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
