the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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