They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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