Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
