So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
