too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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