Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
