Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
