i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
