dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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