Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
