there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
