you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
