In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
