so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
