Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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