Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
