im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
