You smell like stripper and shame
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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