She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
