So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
