I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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