Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
