so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
