the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it because I queefed?
smell my finger.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
