seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
