After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
