i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
