U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
