mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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