Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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