I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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