She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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