i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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