The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
