oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
