I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
