the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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