mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
