My balls are so social today.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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