Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
