fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
