How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
