When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
